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30 October 2008 @ 09:59 pm
Soooooo........I'm flunking out of university. Frankly, none of you should be surprised. I'm trying really hard, but I can't seem to get good grades anymore. I shouldn't be getting 50s or almost failing midterms. Although,as Kelsey once astutely put it, with Lindsay beside her nodding in agreement.

"Lindsay and I were talking about that French project, and how you got a lower mark than you deserved. We were both saying "Oh Gillian, she puts so much effort into things, but it just never works out." "

I'm really tired of being "the stupid friend" Did anyone know that I was the only one out of all my school friends that didn't get a silver medal? I'm starting to think that that wasn't because I should've applied myself more, but it's because my friends are LEGITIMATELY smarter than I am.

If you one of said friends, don't bother commenting. I would rather not have your pity. I want your fucking grades.
03 October 2008 @ 08:28 pm

I don't really know what to think of myself anymore.

If you're reading this, and thinking "Oh Gillian, she's getting emo on us again.", then you're an asshole. If you're reading this, and you're worried, you should really get a life.  If you just read the past two sentences and are thinking "Gillian's a bitch.", the you're right on the money.
I don't WANT to know what people think of me. I have a feeling they think I'm a much worse person than I actually am. UGH.

If you would like some insight into my personality, here it is. My family told me when I was younger that I was much too sensitive, and should stop crying  so much. So, in an attempt to channel my emotions in another way, I decided to stop being sad, and I decided to get mad instead. (How Dr. Suess of me) So, whenever you think I'm being absolutely awful to you, I'm probably planning on crying as soon as you get out of my sight.


"People take your rants so seriously because, to them, something would have to be seriously wrong for them to be that expressive."

So, those who read my lj, and get worried, I have a question for you. How do you not vocalize things to other people? I feel sorry for you, it must be so lonely.

Current Mood: confusedconfused
26 August 2008 @ 07:00 pm
 I want to have a sense of style.
I also want to learn how to sew. 
20 August 2008 @ 05:57 pm
 I need to make $800. FAST.

Any ideas?
15 August 2008 @ 05:50 pm

 I just saw my first open casket/ went to my first wake.

Truth be told, he didn't look that bad. In fact, he just looked kind of peaceful. Happy, in fact.

The akwardness level was crazy, since I don't know how to behave at funerals.Like my father, I can't express how I feel in words, especially under pressure, or in "public". A funeral has both those variables, so my mother was left to do all the talking. She can't do any public-speaking to save her life, poor woman, but there we were: my mother's eyes filling with tears, saying all these great things,  and my father and I standing there like we had been raised in the wild and this was our first moment of human contact.

Eli (the deceased's son) was visibly upset, but held it together admirably. The last time I talked to him, he was talking about his business, and how easy it was, and he was SO happy. 

I don't know, it was odd.

1. The amount of money I'm making/the amount of time work takes away from my life.
2. Facebook/the fact that all the ads on my facebook are about weight loss
3. Montreal trip/cost of said trip
4.Feeling like something huge and life-changing is going to happen next year (I'm not being dramatic, I just keep getting all these weird feelings) /feeling like I could screw it all up.
5.My psych honours degree < It's allure will never die, nor will my passion for it.
6.My new-found love of running. <which I should be doing more of.....lol
7. The past 8 or so months of good self-esteem that I was going through weren't a fluke. Now I'm thinking that it's been more of a permanent change in mindset. I've realized that I will never look like I did when I was in grade 10, and I don't really mind. For that to happen, I would have to workout non-stop and never eat, neither of which I'm prepared to do.  I looked pre-pubescent back then.( No one of God's green earth could accuse me of that now. lol)
8. I need a new bikini. However high your self-esteem is, you can't help but be self-critical when those AWFUL lights hit your body. *shudder*


 I just broke every single promise that I made to my brother in Boston. However, in doing so, I finally received closure (and I am finally started to heal) after 3 years of stupidity. In the end, I actually AM keeping those promises. 
I just needed to bend the rules a little because I couldn't leave things so open-ended, because that's what caused me to take all that hurt and anger, and actually make it part of my personality.

I fed off of it. Not just all the things that happened between us, but all the crap that happened in my past. I've always been known as the angry dramatic girl, the one who held grudges, the one who never forgave. I began hearing those things more and more, and they began to define me. If I started to actually forgive people, then who was I? 
I don't want to be the girl with the crappy middle school experience, the girl with the shit best friend, or the girl with the ex who had his asshole-ish moments. In hating the things that those people did to me, I let the pain control me, and all I did was suffer.

I've forgiven all of them now, finally. Or at least started to, since I know I won't be able to do it on my own. 

I know it's sounds like dramatic drivel, and I sound like a 14 year old girl. I don't know why, but even though it sounds like the musings of a pre-pubescent loser, I feel like this is most mature set of decisions I've ever made.

ps. I feel more confident than I ever have before, and I have some bizarre feeling that I'm going to get that job with AKFC. :)

11 March 2008 @ 10:35 am

I guess it's time to begin again.

I don't know when I became so angry, but I know that it has to stop.

So, here's to new, happier, me!

02 March 2008 @ 06:10 pm
 Tomorrow: Natural Disasters assignment due
Tuesday: FSYM Annotated Bibliography
March 11: First Rough Copy due for FYSM
March 14: Psych Assignment Due (4-5 pages)
March 18: Second Rough Copy Due
March 19: Law Assignment Due (4-5 pages)
March 20: Sociology Paper Due (8-10 pages)/ FSYM Paper Due (5 pages)
March 21: Die.

Sometime after that, preferably the next week so I can get it over with, my 30 minute group presentation for FSYM
04 February 2008 @ 06:34 pm

It's a magnolia. If you know anything about the South, it makes perfect sense.

(Only Kelsey will get this, so tell her to read LJ if you speak to her). I won. Again. 

You said that you wished that I didn't have to be that "one". Unfortunately, life is life, and that's how it goes. Some people get abused, and some don't. I just happen to be unlucky, and be in the former category.

ps. I wonder how Tab is going to tie dealing crack, and this post together. :P